Barb Flis, Author at Parent Action for Healthy Kids

April 1, 2020April 1, 2020

Parents, I’m Proud of You!

Yes, you! I’m proud of you! Being proud of someone is the same as a trillion “likes” on social media. That’s how proud I am of you. More importantly, I hope you’re proud of yourself. I have yet to find a YouTube video for parents on how to juggle work, entertain and homeschool kids, manage extended family needs, and figure out how to stay afloat financially while maintaining sanity during a pandemic. Don’t worry, you’ve got this. You’re doing a great job, your children are in tender and loving hands.

There is no hierarchy based on who has it worse. Parenting is a level playing field and parents; you get to wear a badge of pride, not only during a pandemic but every day. Parenting is heart work and hard work. While we are in a time that requires “social distancing” it does not mandate isolation. For far too long parents have felt invisible, not seen and not understood. Parenting during “normal” times is a lonely endeavor. Now more than ever, parents would benefit from others support as well as the support of each other.

Do you realize that the world is looking at you through fresh eyes and wondering how many more hats you can possibly wear? They are becoming more curious about you and your life. Whenever I get more curious than afraid, I find myself in awe and amazement at how well and creatively you forge through. Seize this moment! Open your heart and be vulnerable. Share your story of family life not only in the times of this pandemic but your everyday life pre-coronavirus. In normal times, raising a family was hard but now it’s daunting. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. We are all responsible for building a stronger future for our children. We’re in this together and I’m proud of you!

March 21, 2020December 6, 2020

Adventures in Homeschooling!

Parents are being bombarded right now with tips and resources from school, educational organizations, parent groups and even grandma/grandpa. While these are very well intended and useful, parents are feeling overwhelmed and pressured to continue the classroom in their home. And when they aren’t pulling off a well-structured day of “classroom” learning, while trying to “work from home,” a whole range of emotions emerge from frustration to feelings of inadequacy as a parent. Ugg, even shame creeps in!

In unprecedented times like this, the wisest thing to do is keep it simple. If you are a classroom teacher, then be a classroom teacher and if you are a parent, then be a parent. The lessons learned in the classroom and the lessons learned at home are equally important and have profound affects for our children’s future. One way of learning is temporarily stalled, and that’s unfortunate. However, in a weird turn of events, that loss can be a huge gain for children and families. Families have a choice. They can keep trying to be something they are not, or they can do what they know and be a family. Look at this as an adventurous vacation – family time that is a roller coaster ride full of fun, a little scary at times and when its over a lifetime of great memories of being with family. This I know for sure, love transcends fear every time!

March 15, 2020March 21, 2020

Teachers are feeling the love!

I am hearing from teachers and seeing posts of letters and pictures from students telling teachers how much they are loved and missed. I guarantee you, the love is reciprocal. Teachers are worried about their students and their families. They are concerned whether their students will be able to keep up the progress they have made, and if they are anxious because of ever present discussions and fear. Teachers are concerned about how students are doing with a change in routine and how families are going to manage it all. They are especially concerned for their students with trauma and other special needs.

Here’s what I want to say to teachers, THANK YOU! Thank you for all that you do, thank you for caring. Now, please take this time to rest and have some fun! I’ll let you in on a little secret…It’s okay to be happy. Does that sound odd or somehow not right? Being happy and being concerned about your students and their families are not mutually exclusive. It’s okay to put the worry aside, take time to rest, have fun, enjoy your family, linger over a cup of coffee, take more than ten minutes to eat a meal, heck throw caution to the wind and go to the bathroom as often as you like! These are all acts of love to yourself and when school is back in session your students will be all the better for it.

We are socialized to think that when there is suffering, a crisis or tragedy, we feel selfish if we take care of ourselves. There is this either or thinking that says, “This is serious, I have to be worried, I’m not allowed to be happy”. Yes, it is serious, but you are allowed to be happy, in fact it will ease your worry and be a great model for others. If there was ever a time to practice self-love, this is it. From what I see, your students are showing you lots of love, the least you could do is believe you deserve it!

#ValueFamilies #PublicHealth
#TeachersRock

March 12, 2020March 15, 2020

The importance of including families in decision making

Let families weigh in on school closures!

For the sake of public health, let families weigh in on school closures!

If ever there was a more critical time for families and schools to work together it is now! When considering K-12 school closures due to the Coronavirus, it’s imperative for school districts and families to connect so schools can hear from families how a closure will impact them. This action needs to go beyond checking in with just a few of the involved parents, but casting a wide net out to all families, such as a district wide survey (on line surveys are free and easy to do).

Here are five compelling reasons to hear from families:

Some students will not get a nutritious meal. Students who live in low income households or the homeless population will suffer.
Many families who don’t have the luxury of missing work and don’t have the means to pay for childcare will rely on grandma or grandpa (the at risk population).
Families who are able to be home with their children may be inclined to take “stir-crazy” kids out to public places such as mall play areas. Restless teens will hang out at coffee shops, fast food restaurants and malls. Information about self-quarantine and why its important will have to be communicated to families in a way that they can personalize it for their family.
A break from academics and social interaction combined with a steady stream of news about the impact of the virus will increase anxiety among children, teens and their families. Those students and families that are currently struggling with mental health issues will be adversely impacted.
Thirty-eight percent of nurses in our county working in the medical community have kids in school. Who will take care of their kids?

Many families don’t have the financial means to keep two weeks worth of food and medications, and a quarter of Americans don’t have the luxury of paid sick leave or adequate health insurance. Asking families how closing school would impact them is authentic family engagement and a sign of respect. A district may just discover that keeping kids in school may be the least risky place for them to be. This simple and thorough inquiry will create a community of schools and families working together to keep everyone safe and healthy.

I found this interview with Michael T. Osterholm, PhD, MPH an infectious disease expert and professor who holds an endowed chair at the University of Minnesota’s School of Public Health helpful about the spread of the virus and how it differs with children.

#ValueFamilies #PublicHealth #SocialJustice #HealthEquity

March 11, 2020March 15, 2020

Covid-19 & Social and Emotional Learning — A teachable Moment!

With the onset of the Covid-19 virus, education, public health and families have a unique opportunity to partner and rally around for the enhanced health and well-being of children and they can do it using Social and Emotional Learning (SEL).

While young people don’t appear to be at risk for Covid-19, this is a teachable moment for them to learn and practice healthy habits for themselves and their community. Schools are teaching SEL across multiple contexts every day. Now we can use SEL on this very important public health issue. Here are the five SEL Core Competencies and how they can be put into action in the arena of public health:

Self-Awareness – Being aware of their emotions around illness; knowing the adults who support them; and demonstrating personal responsibility such as washing hands, and covering their mouths when they sneeze.
Self-Management – Identifying and calming any fearthey may have about illness, and demonstrate integrity by staying home and not going to school or events if they are sick.
Social Awareness – Show compassion, kindness and support for those who are at risk of infection or are quarantined.
Relationship Skills – Use positive communication and social skills when speaking with others who are ill, having a tough time remaining calm or not practicing proper hygiene.
Responsible Decision Making – Act responsibly by taking care of their healthand being a positive role model in school and in the community.

By teaching and more importantly role modeling these competencies on this current public health issue, we will enhance the health and well being for future generations.

For the latest information from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), please visit: www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html.

February 19, 2020February 21, 2020

February’s Month of Love Topic: I am Okay!

The term “okay” is highly underrated. I have a dear friend I’ve known since high school. Every time I called her with a big problem whether it was something with my kids, my health or some other life predicament she would very quickly but calmly say, “it will be okay, it will be okay.” Her words felt so reassuring to me, that I was able to experience a moment of tranquility. I’ve made those emergency calls to her so many times that I finally developed the skills to self-soothe. So whenever I am feeling afraid, I channel her voice and repeat in my head, “it will be okay, it will be okay.” Sometimes that’s all we need is a nanosecond to feel down to our core that it will be okay and to trust that I am okay!

Call me hokey for blogging about love in February, I don’t mind. How can I not spout off about it when love surrounds me. It’s in the squeal of delight when I surprise my granddaughter at school; it’s in the stories from teachers I’m with each week as they beam about the progress made by their toughest students; and love is ever so evident in parents doing their best and making the sacrifices necessary to raise and provide for their family.

So here’s the hard question. Do you see and feel the love all around you? If you struggle to say “yes,” then may I suggest you try this: Place your hand on your heart and say “I am okay.” Start with you. Take care of you. Love you. What we practice grows stronger, so practice being okay with you. There is magic in practicing the art of loving you…love self, love others, accept love from others…it’s magic!

February 11, 2020February 11, 2020

The Month of LOVE Continues…Perfectly Imperfect!

When the month of February rolls around, we’re surrounded by images of hearts and flowers. It has become the official or unofficial month of “love.” In last week’s blog, How much do you love YOU?, I shared with parents, teachers and those who are a part of a child’s life, that the best way to love your child is to love yourself. The first strategy was to notice every time you are highly self-critical or self-judging. How did it go? For me, I found my self-criticism to be higher than I expected. Oh my, that striving for perfection is exhausting.

It takes time, awareness and self-love to find the delicate balance of being reflective enough to see how to improve without beating yourself up or throwing the towel in for not getting it right. In the education arena, teachers strive to instill a “growth mindset” with students. A growth mindset is the belief that skills and qualities are cultivated through effort and perseverance. For example, if your child has put a lot of effort into something and failed, could you congratulate him/her? Are you guilty of influencing or taking over your child’s project so that he/she can shine? I know I’m guilty as charged. Too often we praise our children for the high marks, rather than giving them kudos for their effort and stick-to-itiveness.

So now, my perfectly imperfect humans, let’s hold up the mirror. When you don’t reach the mark as a parent or teacher, are you able to offer compassion to yourself for trying? Can you say “tomorrow is a new day”? What we practice grows stronger, so making friends with your perfectly imperfect self is the most kind, compassionate and loving thing you can do for you and for your children.

This week my two granddaughters came over to assemble a Valentine Gingerbread House. As is my style, I dove right in without reading the directions. Much to my dismay, the roof kept sliding off our little love shack. I became frustrated because in my mind the final product had to be worthy of a Pinterest post. My six year old granddaughter stood back popping candy conversation hearts into her mouth while I grabbed a glue gun to get it to stick. Observing the disappointed look on my face, she said, “It’s okay Barbie (yep, I’m a Barbie not a Grandma), “once the decorations are on, it will look awesome!”

I guess sometimes we need a six year old to remind us that “awesome” is in the eyes of the beholder. This week, rather than paying attention to what you’re not getting right, pay attention to how awesome you are for trying.

February 4, 2020February 4, 2020

February is the month of Love – How much do you love YOU?

When parents ask for advice on raising their children, I always tell them “The best way to love your child is to love yourself.” This “loving yourself” is not to be confused with the sacrifice parents make to meet the needs of their children. Sacrifice of that enormity takes all of the 24 character strengths, with love, self-regulation and humor; probably the character strengths most called upon. It doesn’t, however, prohibit you from loving yourself.

The hardest thing about parenting or teaching for that matter, is sacrificing your needs (like time to yourself) to tend to the needs of your children. Our babies don’t keep, so we make the sacrifices in an effort to be a good parent. We all know our job is to give our kids a safe, secure, and loving environment where they feel seen and understood. I am here to confess, while my intention was 100%, my performance fell way short while raising my children. I’m not even sure on my best parenting days that I reached the eightieth percentile. My attention often went to scolding myself for poor parenting when my children didn’t listen or had academic challenges. Lucky for us though, our children are born with a forgiving and understanding nature. They always allow us a do-over. The success of the do-over is in our willingness to allow a difficult experience to be felt with warmth – self-love.

So here is the deal. Ironically, loving yourself (that is being kind and compassionate to yourself) makes the sacrifice that comes with parenting easier. If you can lighten up on yourself, the grip of self-doubt will lighten up. There is no shortage of opinions on how parents should raise their children but there is a shortage of support for parents. The more you practice loving yourself the more you will start to be your own #1 fan. Who knows, we could even start our own fan club.

Throughout February, I will blog about some self-love strategies to practice. For this week just notice every time you are highly self-critical or self-judging. Say to yourself what you would say to a child. What we practice grows stronger. Soon you will be your own #1 fan.

Author: Barb Flis

Parents, I’m Proud of You!

Adventures in Homeschooling!

Teachers are feeling the love!

The importance of including families in decision making

Covid-19 & Social and Emotional Learning — A teachable Moment!

February’s Month of Love Topic: I am Okay!

The Month of LOVE Continues…Perfectly Imperfect!

February is the month of Love – How much do you love YOU?

Get in on the Magic!

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